{"id":1177,"date":"2021-07-11T09:10:34","date_gmt":"2021-07-11T16:10:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/timhrklit.com\/?page_id=1177"},"modified":"2021-07-12T02:22:48","modified_gmt":"2021-07-12T09:22:48","slug":"that-feeling-of-dreaming","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/timhrklit.com\/?page_id=1177","title":{"rendered":"That Feeling of Dreaming"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"\" — Ana Sibel\u2019s dreamer dreaming this mural by JC Hundreds Mural Co. west of Monmouth where 12^{th<\/sup> Street ends, Jersey City, New Jersey.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went to see Her Majesty \/ The court had no suspense \/ She said, “Dream dreams the dreamer.”\/ I said, “It’s not my fault.\u201d \u2013 Tom Verlaine\/The Dream\u2019s Dream<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
That Feeling of Dreaming<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Copyright 2021, Held by Author<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not admitting that I\u2019m old, but I can no longer deny old age beckons. I haven\u2019t been kissed by death but those lips are near. Like its finality, the breath is cold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life flashing before your eyes \u2013 the flashing, the idea that it\u2019s something exterior when it is really about the inner eye, or behind your eyes. A technicality, because as your body morphs and strength diminishes and desire dissipates, your memories flood, many random rivulets but even more often, the puddles forming are always the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More inevitability than regret, at least not only if I just did this instead of that \u2013but the moments have been well visited, long resolved. I\u2019m not unhappy all the time. Yet, they reappear like an itch or twitch or twinge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What\u2019s weird, what\u2019s new recently, is the constancy, this occupation of mind with the blinking of all too familiar junctures, the people either dead or like the original settings so transformed they only exist in memory. Before or behind, enough already.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why must I hide these tears in my eyes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve surrendered. I did the best I could or least what I thought was best. All I have are memories and soon a memory is all I will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More morning, more sun. I love summer best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The longer the waking, the nearer to dreaming you stay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nature is the only goddess we worship. When the self was solely sensation. Thus is life, except for the joy and drudgery of the mundane, the orderly process of responsibility, for which we one nation stand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We focus to work, compensation proving competence. This real life can seem all your thought, pain either looming or getting worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s why I bask in morning light. Not because life is the dream, or the place I dreamt of is where really I want to be, but that dreaming is the closest thing to how eternity feels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The dream dreams the dreamer, that\u2019s nothing special. Until you realize heaven is immaterial, faith or no\u2026 given time you spend more time not here but there \u2013 and whatever there may be is without substance, invisible. We can\u2019t know it, even through dreaming or by dreaming, however powerful those visions are. Instant revelation, too incomplete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dreams feel like nothing else, that\u2019s how we know it\u2019s a dream and there\u2019s no anxiety stranger than waking \u2013 sometimes with regret, sometimes relief \u2013 knowing you\u2019re the dreamer. Whatever we know in dreams is not what we want to know, but the way ultimate knowledge \u2013 the mind of God \u2013 will feel. Experiential eternity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The closest we can get at the very least. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though immaterial as thought, memories document moments of substance. That\u2019s why they often appear in, even dominate so many dreams. \u2018But dreams they are not; flashbacks belong in another category entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dreams have more nature than divinity. Hopeless they can never fully be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was like a dream, no clich\u00e9 more common. That dream vibe is now part of that moment\u2019s every recollection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reverse as true \u2013 felt so real how can you be sure you\u2019re not awake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The invisible world is just as actual. Get as supernatural as your life experience dictates, undeniable is that whatever it is, we see it not with our natural eyes, nor know it not like the certainty of soil or sun or skin but it\u2019s as much a fact as any of that even though the here and now determines how long the life we do know lasts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A dream is immaterial, ergo what better however inconclusive evidence that eternity exists is there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That feeling of dreaming, that feeling we feel when dreaming and remember feeling after waking \u2013 if that dreaming is immaterial then the act is how we as humans interact with the immaterial, thus eternity, that cosmos shall we say \u2013 beyond our physical universe, so put the size of your telescope away \u2013 how else can anything feel like that but the immaterial?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After we die and in need of something to recognize it will be that feeling of dreaming. That\u2019s what\u2019s familiar about eternity, that feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As reassuring as D\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, you\u2019ve felt this feeling before. Maybe that feeling of dreaming is just the lingering of what the soul was before you started breathing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knowing that feeling \u2013 and that there is that feeling \u2013 we know something else, something new, something always known \u2013 that we\u2019re not just the dreamer, we\u2019re the dream \u2013 for to know the immaterial is to know the soul, the consciousness alongside your memories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every time we dream we\u2019re not only awake within the immaterial, we\u2019re watching ourselves in the dream, seer and seen. The dream I had last night was crazy is another way of saying I was a spectator of my self enduring a series of inexplicable incidents that only felt real because how vivid I appeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This duality seems similar to our relationship to biology \u2013 sometimes our body and mind are one, mainly when we\u2019re young \u2013 than other times our mind chastises our form for succumbing to mortality \u2013 then there\u2019s medical tests documenting specific tolls time takes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The swirl of emotions and memories and notions \u2013 halted with the doubtless and sudden immediacy of ache \u2013 and you\u2019re at one with your body again, unable to even wish something other than pain was in your mind, not like fucking or fleeing or dancing when you\u2019re entirely movement and metabolism, unalloyed alertness\u2026 no separation between what is thought and what is body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What physical agonies aren\u2019t pure? But the Lamaze teacher doesn\u2019t use the A-word does she.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Other times, most of the time really there\u2019s the distance between that conscious self, that you and the physical sensations invading what should be thoughts, like the ascended consciousness visualizing the real-time horror of root canal but it\u2019s only a perspective, what you\u2019re imagining is what is happening because you\u2019re absolutely certain of rubber-gloved fingers in your open jaw transmitting trauma through that network of nerves. Even if numb by the best drugs or golden age hypnosis that sedation is still physically apparent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of all that physiology affecting the brain, dreaming coalesces what isn\u2019t substance, what isn\u2019t between eternities\u2026 I can hear you rolling your eyes at my ignorance of the cellular, dreaming just another brain activity at the molecular level \u2013 you\u2019re ignorant of the cheapness of your wonder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s just it, you see. No revelation to declare, regardless of what you remember or realize upon waking. Everything\u2019s still in your head, a natural fact like neurotransmitters has to be involved. We\u2019re not becoming; we\u2019re only alive just like yesterday. That feeling though, that one we all know, is nonexistence, but only a taste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too universal to even describe. That\u2019s what makes up our collective unconsciousness, that feeling of dreaming, the infinite translucency of self. Even the images shared like skulls or rainbows, or the frequency of nudity and the constant appearance of people you dislike, that\u2019s just social context, personal content.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No frame or screen or wall, all dreaming\u2019s uncontained… we\u2019re only sky.<\/p>\n
\r\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t}

\"\" — Ana Sibel\u2019s dreamer dreaming this mural by JC Hundreds Mural Co. west of Monmouth where 12^{th<\/sup> Street ends, Jersey City, New Jersey.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went to see Her Majesty \/ The court had no suspense \/ She said, “Dream dreams the dreamer.”\/ I said, “It’s not my fault.\u201d \u2013 Tom Verlaine\/The Dream\u2019s Dream<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
That Feeling of Dreaming<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Copyright 2021, Held by Author<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not admitting that I\u2019m old, but I can no longer deny old age beckons. I haven\u2019t been kissed by death but those lips are near. Like its finality, the breath is cold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life flashing before your eyes \u2013 the flashing, the idea that it\u2019s something exterior when it is really about the inner eye, or behind your eyes. A technicality, because as your body morphs and strength diminishes and desire dissipates, your memories flood, many random rivulets but even more often, the puddles forming are always the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More inevitability than regret, at least not only if I just did this instead of that \u2013but the moments have been well visited, long resolved. I\u2019m not unhappy all the time. Yet, they reappear like an itch or twitch or twinge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What\u2019s weird, what\u2019s new recently, is the constancy, this occupation of mind with the blinking of all too familiar junctures, the people either dead or like the original settings so transformed they only exist in memory. Before or behind, enough already.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why must I hide these tears in my eyes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve surrendered. I did the best I could or least what I thought was best. All I have are memories and soon a memory is all I will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More morning, more sun. I love summer best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The longer the waking, the nearer to dreaming you stay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nature is the only goddess we worship. When the self was solely sensation. Thus is life, except for the joy and drudgery of the mundane, the orderly process of responsibility, for which we one nation stand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We focus to work, compensation proving competence. This real life can seem all your thought, pain either looming or getting worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s why I bask in morning light. Not because life is the dream, or the place I dreamt of is where really I want to be, but that dreaming is the closest thing to how eternity feels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The dream dreams the dreamer, that\u2019s nothing special. Until you realize heaven is immaterial, faith or no\u2026 given time you spend more time not here but there \u2013 and whatever there may be is without substance, invisible. We can\u2019t know it, even through dreaming or by dreaming, however powerful those visions are. Instant revelation, too incomplete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dreams feel like nothing else, that\u2019s how we know it\u2019s a dream and there\u2019s no anxiety stranger than waking \u2013 sometimes with regret, sometimes relief \u2013 knowing you\u2019re the dreamer. Whatever we know in dreams is not what we want to know, but the way ultimate knowledge \u2013 the mind of God \u2013 will feel. Experiential eternity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The closest we can get at the very least. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though immaterial as thought, memories document moments of substance. That\u2019s why they often appear in, even dominate so many dreams. \u2018But dreams they are not; flashbacks belong in another category entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dreams have more nature than divinity. Hopeless they can never fully be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was like a dream, no clich\u00e9 more common. That dream vibe is now part of that moment\u2019s every recollection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reverse as true \u2013 felt so real how can you be sure you\u2019re not awake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The invisible world is just as actual. Get as supernatural as your life experience dictates, undeniable is that whatever it is, we see it not with our natural eyes, nor know it not like the certainty of soil or sun or skin but it\u2019s as much a fact as any of that even though the here and now determines how long the life we do know lasts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A dream is immaterial, ergo what better however inconclusive evidence that eternity exists is there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That feeling of dreaming, that feeling we feel when dreaming and remember feeling after waking \u2013 if that dreaming is immaterial then the act is how we as humans interact with the immaterial, thus eternity, that cosmos shall we say \u2013 beyond our physical universe, so put the size of your telescope away \u2013 how else can anything feel like that but the immaterial?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After we die and in need of something to recognize it will be that feeling of dreaming. That\u2019s what\u2019s familiar about eternity, that feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As reassuring as D\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, you\u2019ve felt this feeling before. Maybe that feeling of dreaming is just the lingering of what the soul was before you started breathing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knowing that feeling \u2013 and that there is that feeling \u2013 we know something else, something new, something always known \u2013 that we\u2019re not just the dreamer, we\u2019re the dream \u2013 for to know the immaterial is to know the soul, the consciousness alongside your memories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every time we dream we\u2019re not only awake within the immaterial, we\u2019re watching ourselves in the dream, seer and seen. The dream I had last night was crazy is another way of saying I was a spectator of my self enduring a series of inexplicable incidents that only felt real because how vivid I appeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This duality seems similar to our relationship to biology \u2013 sometimes our body and mind are one, mainly when we\u2019re young \u2013 than other times our mind chastises our form for succumbing to mortality \u2013 then there\u2019s medical tests documenting specific tolls time takes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The swirl of emotions and memories and notions \u2013 halted with the doubtless and sudden immediacy of ache \u2013 and you\u2019re at one with your body again, unable to even wish something other than pain was in your mind, not like fucking or fleeing or dancing when you\u2019re entirely movement and metabolism, unalloyed alertness\u2026 no separation between what is thought and what is body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What physical agonies aren\u2019t pure? But the Lamaze teacher doesn\u2019t use the A-word does she.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Other times, most of the time really there\u2019s the distance between that conscious self, that you and the physical sensations invading what should be thoughts, like the ascended consciousness visualizing the real-time horror of root canal but it\u2019s only a perspective, what you\u2019re imagining is what is happening because you\u2019re absolutely certain of rubber-gloved fingers in your open jaw transmitting trauma through that network of nerves. Even if numb by the best drugs or golden age hypnosis that sedation is still physically apparent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of all that physiology affecting the brain, dreaming coalesces what isn\u2019t substance, what isn\u2019t between eternities\u2026 I can hear you rolling your eyes at my ignorance of the cellular, dreaming just another brain activity at the molecular level \u2013 you\u2019re ignorant of the cheapness of your wonder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s just it, you see. No revelation to declare, regardless of what you remember or realize upon waking. Everything\u2019s still in your head, a natural fact like neurotransmitters has to be involved. We\u2019re not becoming; we\u2019re only alive just like yesterday. That feeling though, that one we all know, is nonexistence, but only a taste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too universal to even describe. That\u2019s what makes up our collective unconsciousness, that feeling of dreaming, the infinite translucency of self. Even the images shared like skulls or rainbows, or the frequency of nudity and the constant appearance of people you dislike, that\u2019s just social context, personal content.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No frame or screen or wall, all dreaming\u2019s uncontained… we\u2019re only sky.<\/p>\n
\r\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t}